I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
