He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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