I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
