Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
