Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
