The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
