The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
