Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I need to calm my uterus...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
