we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
