Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
