cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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