Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
