Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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