My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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