this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
