Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
