whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Farmville is her only friend.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
