dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
