My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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