bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
