THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize