i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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