Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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