at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
