Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
