Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
please don't ironically join a cult
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