I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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