Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
