the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
