I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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