sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
