i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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