then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
