woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
