we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
