im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
