I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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