she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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