I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
