I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
