I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
