I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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