rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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