I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
