dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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