Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
