only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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