Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
