bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
