So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
