Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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