is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
