I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
