We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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