i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
