And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
