I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
