Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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