We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
