I cockslap morals
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
A+ Viking dick
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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