I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
okay pat passed out under dana's car
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
