my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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