i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
