Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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