I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize