i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
