you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I fill condoms, not promises.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
