I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
