The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
